Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
