don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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