u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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