sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
