very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Say something about gay babies.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
