If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
