remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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