Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
