I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize