You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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