Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
