I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
