I wanna passion pit in your ass
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
