I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
