he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
