I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
