I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
