I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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