WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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