so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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