I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize