Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
