u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
