Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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