Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
