I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
