So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
