he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
