wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm jealous of your bromance
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I AM VODKA MAN
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
