Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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