Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
