I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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