Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
