Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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