Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
