so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
