Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
