just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She bit a glass in half.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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