i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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