Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
