i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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