I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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