i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
