you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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