I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
