I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
