It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Operation Purity has been aborted
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
