No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
