she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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