I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
