there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
