Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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