the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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