We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
