i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize