He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
