I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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