And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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