so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just forgot I was standing up.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
