You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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