its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize