I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
