put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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