Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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