he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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