i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
