Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
