When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
