My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
